The Difference between Men and women; the Trans perspective. Part 3: Sexual Feelings
As I have transitioned I have experienced some interesting feelings in terms of sex. I wasn’t expecting that much to change when I started…
As I have transitioned I have experienced some interesting feelings in terms of sex. I wasn’t expecting that much to change when I started hormones, but it did. I knew that hormones would reduce sex drive, but it wasn’t the reduction that got me. It was more the internal desires, and even physical signs of attraction that stunned me a little bit. This is not a graphic article, but it will go very personal. I will describe the sex drive and the feeling of arousal from before and after HRT, as well as Sexual attraction in general.
Sexual Arousal
When starting HRT it is very well known that you will experience a reduction in sex drive (or an increase for FTM). I was not expecting the changes in arousal feelings. As a man, the feelings come from the testicles and up through the penis causing an erection. That changes for women. When I see or think about something sexy, there is a tingle that starts at the bellybutton and travels down, causing muscles to spasm a little.
Sex Drive
As far as sex drive, I don’t know if that is the full story. Women seem to talk about sex just as much if not more than men. They also get just as horny as men. The difference is the need to get off as often. Men get this pent up energy that will build until they get a release. This can cause a sense of anxiety and frustration. Though it is also easier for them to get the release. in my opinion, women have it better. They can go a long period of time before they need the same relief, though they receive the feelings from smaller gestures like cuddling.
I spoke in previous articles about the way that communication and the joy of communication with women. This is the same concept with physical contact. cuddling, and just being close to someone is much more rewarding than it was as a man. Romance and the feeling of connection is stronger. The high from connection is elevated more often, but don’t go as high. Men go through peaks and valleys. Why they feel so tired after release.
Sexual Attraction
There was definitely something that changed for me when it came to attraction when I started HRT. I have read of all different stories about how some trans people were always into men, but then became more interested in women. No one is the same, and I’m not sure there is a scientific reason for this. For me I think it was more of an acceptance of an attraction that I suppressed. I am Bi, use to say the ratio was like 90–10 into women. As I have gone longer on HRT I find myself more and more attracted to men, and wanting a relationship. It also has to do with the changes in feelings as I described above and in past articles; getting more emotional satisfaction being held.
I have heard people keeping the same attractions, as well as doing a complete switch. So really there has to be a hormone factor to sexuality, but everyone’s different how it effects it. So this is definitely not me saying that we can “medicate the gay away.”
Conclusion
To bring this back to men and women in general. It is important to understand each other’s love languages. We are all different. Also remember that as women get older, those languages can change throughout their life; as hormones change. Also men can build up a lot of anxiety if their sex drive is too high. This can cause moodiness just as progesterone does for women. Men need to know their body as much as women know about their cycle. It’s important that both people in a relationship know their partners emotional profile.
*I am not a doctor of any sort. These are my opinions, based on my experience. If you are having issues with your significant other, I recommend seeing a counselor.