The Difference between Men and women; the Trans perspective. Part 2: Emotions
This is my second installment in this series. I have found emotions to be a tricky subject. Some men are criers, some are stone cold. Some…
This is my second installment in this series. I have found emotions to be a tricky subject. Some men are criers, some are stone cold. Some women are very emotional, and some are not so much. Some of it has to do with hormones and some has to do with personality type. I am an IN(T)J, heavy on the T. I recently retook the test and it said INTJ or ENTJ. Makes sense as I am much more outgoing then I use to be. But I am still a logical thinker over emotional. So what have Hormones changed? In this segment I am going to break it down to the before, starting Estrogen and T Blockers, then adding Progesterone.
Before Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)
Before taking Testosterone Blockers and Estrogen I was in a sense, cold. My Ex Wife and I went through some challenges together, and I was not good at comforting her. It had been like this for ever. I was not able to show the emotions that I felt inside. That part just shut down. It was difficult feeling emotions and knowing how It should be coming out, but it not happening. It was a great trait to have as a Soldier; being able to block out emotion and move forward. It was not so good when being home, comforting family members of the fallen, or as a husband, or a friend.
I do know men that are the same way. For them I think they absolutely need to work on expressing their emotions. It is important that those around them understand they are not cold, they very much have empathy, but find it hard to express it. I find that this is very common amongst Trans people. It’s not clear if this is because of testosterone in general, or the wrong hormones with the wrong brain functions. We know that trans people’s brains function more like that of their gender identity. It would not be surprising to see that the brain shuts down or is confused at emotions, because it doesn’t understand the hormones that are controlling it.
After Starting Estrogen and a T-Blocker
Currently I am year and one month on HRT. As many say in the Trans community “Your milage may vary.” I was at Female Testosterone levels after three months, and 9 Months to be well into the Female range of Estrogen. Put this into perspective, 80% of trans women can’t get into female T levels on Blockers alone. So my experience was on a very quick timeline. It may not be a sudden change for most.
Initially there is a lot of excitement, and you automatically feel a sense of peace. Most of this is a placebo effect. The first time I really understood that it was working, was two months in. A friend had made me angry and upset. A situation to blow off steam I would normally go for a run. I started running, and after a mile in, I had to stop on the side of the trail because I was bawling. Going from a person that has cried only a handful of times in my life, I started to understand the great relief that comes from crying. When mad or upset it made me feel better; This was crazy to me. I also reacted to some things in a way that sometimes wasn’t great. I would use emotions instead of reasoning. It took me a couple of months to get use to this new sense of emotions. I had to learn how to control the emotions.
This is not to say that the stereotypes of women not thinking with logic are true. They grew up with these hormones, and absolutely learn to control them. I was back to thinking clearly fairly quickly. It would be easy to see how a shift in Hormones can cause a person to act a little out of the ordinary.
After Starting Progesterone
After a year on HRT, we decided to boost my transition with Progesterone. This is an important hormone for people to understand. For a woman, Progesterone elevates in the body around Ovulation. It builds the lining in the Uterus to prepare for implantation of an embryo. It also causes the body temp to rise, which is why women can track their cycles using their temperature. Progesterone is also a hormone that can cause libido to go up, increase breast growth, but it can also increase depression and anxiety. I had some effects hit me pretty hard early on. My brain was foggy, and I made some decisions that I couldn’t believe I did, then got really upset after the fact. Talking to my friend to understand what was going on, she said it sounded just like “pregnancy brain”. After a week I was use to it, was able to control it, and really have no major issues anymore.
This goes back to biological women. Remember this only comes to them for a short time each month. In theory, progesterone absolutely causes the change in behavior we see in women each month. Then when it falls, or there is too little at the end of the month, it has been linked to Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS). Talking to some of my friends, a few of them have said the same thing, they can absolutely tell the change of hormones throughout the month. Which is again good, because if you are that in tune with your body, you can control the changes in emotions as they come up. It still doesn’t mean that some things won’t hit out of the blue. Men, this is not the time to blame something on being “that time of the month.” You might get murdered.
Conclusion
Seriously though men, it could just be you are not in tune with what she wants and her emotions in general. It is important for you to understand the what hormonal changes happen through out the month, and learn to adjust your care at different points. Women already know how to control these emotions, but if you’re an idiot, they can absolutely effect her reactions. It is never a reason to write off her feelings or actions. Women that goes for you too. You know when your hormones are changing. They are not an excuse to use when you act unreasonable. This give credit to stereotypes that society place on women. It is important that couples communicate at these times.
This is a way that Trans women are different than biological women. We are able to get use to the hormones because we get a steady regulated flow. Biological womenhave them go up and down each month, and there is not time to get use to them.
Advice for Trans women:
Trans women, also know that these changes are probably coming when you start hormones. It is important that you communicate with those around you. A therapist is a good idea to talk to in those times. Though, I do believe therapist are good for just about anyone to see, and work through problems.
More voices for these articles:
Please, I would love to hear more opinions from the Trans man perspective on these issues. Especially this one. What is it like going from traditional female hormones, to Testosterone? Do you notice the same things I do? I did have a FTM friend say that they also felt the disconnect between their emotions and there brain, so I would love more perspective. Send me a message on Twitter @Sara_James2.
*I am not a doctor of any sort. These are my opinions, based on my experience. If you are having issues with your significant other, I recommend seeing a counselor.